trying & the f word (fertility)

Well, hey whats up hello! I can't believe its been so long since I've wrote. I remember promising myself I was going to document life and take pictures of whats going on. I'm sad I haven't been better but determined to try. That is the first step right? "Trying" that kind of describes my TTC life. For you newbies TTC means, Trying To Conceive. Lets rewind things back about 3.5 years..

I have always wanted a baby, what girl doesn't. When asked what I wanted to be when I was little my answer was always the same. A mom. I grew up watching my siblings and having the best example of a mother. 

Hands down the greatest day of my life was marrying John. He really is the best. I remember November 17th being amazing. I walked out of the pretty white temple we were married in SO excited and happy with my decision. While on our honeymoon we talked about someday having a little family of our own and how magical that would be. I got butterflies. I always wanted to be a mom and Johnny was destined to be a dad. Life with John is and will always be magic. 

The birth control struggle was real. I always heard about it being hard but I never knew how hard. My body didn't like the pill. It made me not the Brynley I wanted to be, so I stopped. My cute friend told me about a shot you could get that for her had no strange side effects so I tried. First of all I hate shots, second it made me gain weight and made me feel out of whack. So we stopped. We figured if things were suppose to happen they would. Is this TMI????

Life has a way of making things crazy. After being off BC for a while I started to think what if I can't have a baby? I have always been really regular. I've never noticed anything out of the norm. I panicked I googled just about anything and everything. I cried, I laughed I got strange foot massages, and I did a different type of diet. NOTHING! Next step ovulation tests those should work. Next thing you know I had a smiley face, yippee maybe that means this month will be the month. Nothing. Month after month I followed the ovulation test and nothing. It is and was so disappointing I was devastated. I prayed I trusted in Heavenly Father, I still have faith. I finally sucked it up and went to the doctor. They checked everything out and said go home do the ovulation test for 4 more months and if nothing happen they will look into other options. The next four months we did just that and once again nothing. 

4 months. I made an appointment as soon as I could. I pretty much ran in. I wanted to know what was wrong with me and I wanted to fix it! This whole process has made me realize one thing and that thing is patience. It really is a virtue. *I'm still working on it don't judge:) The doctor said everything seems to be ok lets check your husband and then we will see if we need to do further tests on you. He did the test. He got the results and we were sent to a urology doctor. 

I had a call with a client so I couldn't go with John to the Doctor A little bit of time went by and I hadn't heard anything. Then I got a text that read "call me." My heart sank either way I was already feeling bad. To make a long story short they told John that he had to get surgery though it wasn't major. It is for something called a varicocele. We booked the surgery and were happy to have answers. The crazy thing is in male infertility 80% of men have to have this same surgery.

Fast Forward to today. The surgery on John has been complete and now we wait. The recovery process can take a few months. But boy do we feel blessed. I have faith everything will work out. BABY SHUMWAY I hope you know how much we love you. If you would just get your little bum down here we would be so happy.

xoxo- bryn
just cause gossip girl is one of my favs & who doesn't pretend to be blair waldorf?